Just Cindy

{Photo taken at 12:32am- in semi darkness because this is my normal natural habitat many nights. Sorry for the grain-iness. My phone has trouble in the dark.}

-Cindy (plain old Cindy. There's something simple and true about being just Cindy. Soothing and comforting, and adventurous- because plain old Cindy has not gone on her adventure yet. She hasn't found her purpose, but she knows her heart and she knows her God. And that's more than she had the last time she was just Cindy.)

This is how I finished a letter recently.  And it is so extremely true. I know my God so much better than I did before. I still don't know all of Him, I may never be that close to Him. I have learned so much about myself in the last bunch of years. The last 2 particularly have been extreme learning experiences. And when I learn more about God- I learn more about me and He is able to heal my inner pains just that much more.

"All the possibilities, no limits just epiphanies"- American Authors

So I was driving to go play board games this afternoon and this song comes on the radio. It's "Best Day of My Life" by American Authors. It's an incredibly upbeat song. But whenever I hear it- I hear that one line I used as a title.

My entire life I have seen God as a Dad figure. But I always saw Him as a disciplinarian. Old Testament God is not forgiving and can be downright scary! (10 plagues on Egypt? 'Nough said.) but it has been more recently that I have started to realize that God loves me, I'm His daughter, and He really likes me too! He reveals things to us- not always for our correction and discipline- because He wants us to try new things and learn in new ways. Lately the things I feel like God is showing me, well, they aren't orders, they are ideas. They are ideas I get to examine and adopt if I want to. Now if God gives it to me and I don't choose to do what it seems I should do, things might not go as smoothly for me. But He STILL loves me- forever and back. And the best thing is: HE LOVES YOU THAT MUCH TOO!

Changes

MY life has changed drastically the last 5 months.  I went from being mostly healthy, but extremely overweight to being a recovering hernia patient who MUST lose weight in order to prevent a new hernia from occurring.
Mind you my operation and recovery were nothing short of miraculous!  The Dr even telling me "You just had major surgery.  You are making this look easy.  That makes me look good.  I like you!" Yes, he made me laugh but I recovered well, thank you, God!
I have begun walking 1 mile as many days as  can- then I got bronchitis- I get this often.  I then took a week to do nothing.  Yes, nothing.  I needed to prioritize my life and all of my activities were distracting me from the main focus of my life- even though many were God centered activities.  I had lots of time to pray and to listen and to slow down (I am still learning from that lesson).  Well, God, family, then me- that is my new order for my life.  And I discovered in the past week that when I put God first, family second, I have more time for me in the long run and I am less stressed!
So- Go ME!!!  I am reclaiming my house from 5 months of sickness and depression and inability to tackle things.  I AM a Competent Woman!
And, I have 2 great kids.  They deserve me to have my stuff together so I have time for them when they get home.  Same goes for my husband who is amazing!

How God sees me!

we cry and we hurt and then we see that God counts us so precious that he takes every tear and he holds it to his Chest and he counts them as precious as the gems we find in the mountains. precious as the jewels from the deep, they are precious as the stars in the heaven, and precious as the sand in the sea shore....and He loves us so deeply and so well that I never want to forget how deeply He cares for me.  But I'll forget and then He will use another opportunity to let me cry and again show me how precious I am that my tears are like gems in a bottle to Him- he gazes at them and smiles because He knows that each tear holds a lesson if we only know where to look.  And that He wants us to know how totally precious we are in His sight.  That He died for just me- only me and that He rejoices every time we talk to Him.  Like a proud Daddy when His child returns from getting an award- he is Sooo happy to see me and soo proud of who I am and who I am becoming.  When He shows me these things my life is easy and my chores seem lighter than they did before because they are not so important- the small things.  and yet- these same small things are what makes Him smile simply because they make me smile.  Like the first time my child stood up by himself- he was oh, so excited it made his Daddy and I laugh with him.  He is even more excited than that to be with us and enjoy our joys together.

Arrow

Ok so today while waiting for my son's tutor to arrive, I was doodling and I drew an arrow.  It started as a very long line and the point was long and skinny...I added feathers to the back and realised it was not that kind of arrow...So once the tutor arrived, I went into the living room, dusted off my art kit, and opened the pencils.  A red pencil practically threw its self at me..it just was that obvious I needed to use it.  And I tried to draw the arrow...it has no tail- it is ramrod straight- it is very long- and it is pointing a narrow way.  Mine is red but yours may be a different color- who knows?  This arrow is our Destiny!  God's purpose for us NEVER changes although often the activities change, our purpose to be here never does.   we occasionally are the arrow itsself when we are acting out our destiny- and sometimes we are just the staff of the arrow- following where God leads us.  What part of the arrow are you at?  I'm never sure what part I'm in...but I know that it is always there and I am always a part of it!