Just Cindy

{Photo taken at 12:32am- in semi darkness because this is my normal natural habitat many nights. Sorry for the grain-iness. My phone has trouble in the dark.}

-Cindy (plain old Cindy. There's something simple and true about being just Cindy. Soothing and comforting, and adventurous- because plain old Cindy has not gone on her adventure yet. She hasn't found her purpose, but she knows her heart and she knows her God. And that's more than she had the last time she was just Cindy.)

This is how I finished a letter recently.  And it is so extremely true. I know my God so much better than I did before. I still don't know all of Him, I may never be that close to Him. I have learned so much about myself in the last bunch of years. The last 2 particularly have been extreme learning experiences. And when I learn more about God- I learn more about me and He is able to heal my inner pains just that much more.

On Honey.... And other things

So you all know that I am a type 1 diabetic and that I have basically avoided any straight form of sweetener aside from Truvia or Stevia. I am known to indulge in ice cream and a sweet every now and again but I try to keep it to a minimum.

So a month or so ago, I was over a friend's house for lunch. It was much needed girl time with some dear friends. And I was truly blessed there. 

What I want to mention though was for dessert we had these amazing fresh sliced strawberries! So I had some and I sat there thinking,"What IS that taste?" I finally asked and she had added honey to them because they hadn't been sweet enough. (She was totally apologetic but I can have a little on occasion and I was totally fine from it.)

What struck me as funny was that I couldn't pin point the taste. I always used to have honey in my tea- always. And on Rosh HaShonah the traditional dessert is apples dipped in honey. I can't tell you how many years I would be licking the bowl after! So to forget the taste of Honey- yeah that was really really strange.

I guess that is what happens when we cut things out of our diet or our life. 

I remember a time when I was totally at ease at a bar when I turned 21 and was spending time with my love there with our friends. Now- I feel totally not at ease anywhere like that,

So it goes to follow that if I cut out harmful things from my life- that possibly I will eventually forget them and feel uncomfortable around them. This is a good thing! I don't want toxic things in my life! 

So I am asking questions and trying to identify my toxins and rid my life of them. I'm asking God's help, of course. And I might enjoy them later on occasion. The lifestyle change of removing it and living without it is the goal.

What do you need to remove from your life???

"All the possibilities, no limits just epiphanies"- American Authors

So I was driving to go play board games this afternoon and this song comes on the radio. It's "Best Day of My Life" by American Authors. It's an incredibly upbeat song. But whenever I hear it- I hear that one line I used as a title.

My entire life I have seen God as a Dad figure. But I always saw Him as a disciplinarian. Old Testament God is not forgiving and can be downright scary! (10 plagues on Egypt? 'Nough said.) but it has been more recently that I have started to realize that God loves me, I'm His daughter, and He really likes me too! He reveals things to us- not always for our correction and discipline- because He wants us to try new things and learn in new ways. Lately the things I feel like God is showing me, well, they aren't orders, they are ideas. They are ideas I get to examine and adopt if I want to. Now if God gives it to me and I don't choose to do what it seems I should do, things might not go as smoothly for me. But He STILL loves me- forever and back. And the best thing is: HE LOVES YOU THAT MUCH TOO!

Today I am a happy slug

Lol hi there! So there are some day that I have tons of energy and get tons of stuff done- errands, emails, phone calls, decluttering, laundry, dishes.... And there are days like today. I have had a phone conference and texted people. I haven't even defrosted dinner. These are the days that I call myself a slug. It's getting warmer out and I need to start waking up early and napping in the day so I get things done. But since I didn't, and I feel sick, well- i am slug like. And I know that it's ok. 

My worth is NOT attached to my level of productivity. If I don't clean the kitchen floor today- I am no worse a Mom than I am if I do get to it. Now the kitchen floor does get cleaned- but it has a fluid time schedule.

The only thing I absolutely need to do every day- is figure out dinner. That's it! My boys are teenagers. I don't have to be on top of them every day anymore. And they don't NEED me like they did when they were younger. They came home, invited a friend over, popped popcorn, and are currently watching a scary movie in the basement.

They need me to do the grunt work- you know- provide the much loved snacks and laundry and dinners. And they have chores, they help out. 

But they also know that their ability or lack of ability is not why we love them. That being diligent workers is good but that they are valued anyway. At least we are doing our best to teach them this. 

It took me way too many years to learn this. I'm hoping that this will encourage all of you reading this to remember that even if you lay in bed all day you are valuable. And you are loved. And please know that there is freedom in being a happy slug. :-)