Thursday, December 1, 2011

Changes revisited

I think I accidentally made it sound as if I have it all figured out... in the post changes but let's be real- I don't.  I never will.  I am just a small fish trying to find the Jesus current so I can float safely in his love.  I no longer want to ride the currents of unbelief that lead to the shores where I get pounded on the coral reefs of judgement, hate and anxiety.  I want the true love current which takes me into the sea with the whales and the dolphins and the orcas and even the sharks- but my current will move me so the sharks and orcas and whales can not get at me.  For Jesus has plans for me- great plans.  I have to listen and do what He says and that means to tend to my home and then have time to do the things that are right in my heart.  And some of these things are silly to others and are not worth my time, but they are totally worth my time and effort.  If the my higher power is letting me know it should be done- well then... I think it's time.  So.. I am not done changing or moving in new directions.  Some of the new directions will be seen shortly and others will take some time to develop...but there are many, many new directions open to me.  There is a new found freedom and deepness in this current.  It is a safe place and the options are all so appealing and filled with light and life!  It is like being a kid in a candy store with a handful of coins- when there were 1/2 cent candies.  I want to try everything and taste and do and decide for me which to throw out and which to buy more of.  And I want to have the freedom to make mistakes and to try and miss a few times.  And I know all of these things are good but I want to try them all until I find the items that God has for me that are my personal best.  Good is not good enough- Best is the only option now!  And if that means finally trying to really write that book that came from a dream, or practicing the drum or making prayer shawls- well then I need to get writing and playing and crocheting shouldn't I?  I feel I have been a Jill-of-all-trades for my whole life- never putting my all into the right things.  I am still searching for my current.. and I WILL FIND IT!
It is an exciting time and a scary time as well.  I am having difficulty with the indecision that accompanies these times.  My house MUST be tended to first and that is a very large chore right now.  But with God's help- I can do it.  Then the sky is the limit.
OK so if you are inclined to pray- your prayers for discernment are totally welcomed and appreciated.  Thanks for looking into my soul and not laughing at me.
Cindy