special needs

Hi everyone! I may be changing the Blog style soon but you will soon understand why...or I'll make a new blog I'm unsure as of yet.

In November of this year my oldest child was diagnosed with Aspberger's Syndrome accompanied by ADHD. A few days late a different Doctor declared PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) with a touch of ADD. Either way my oldest dear one is definitely on the low end of the Autistic spectrum.
This is what I have thought/feared for many months and years. He is 13 and this is considered a very late diagnosis. But both doctors assured me that we were doing the right type of things- he just needs more social circumstances and better relaxation techniques. For those of you who are left in the dark- the issues that most plague my son are: significant social and emotional delays (this is the Autism part), and extreme disorganization(ADD or ADHD) which cause major amounts of anxiety.
So what is a Mom of a child like this to do??? Aside from pray a lot, be patient. Be patient, and try not to be frustrated. And BE PATIENT and try not to be FRUSTRATED!!!!!
Let's just say I am definitely growing in my understanding of patience, frustration and how much I personally can handle these days! Please understand- he is also incredibly creative and funny- I wouldn't want to take either of these things away and they are linked with the issues so no meds for us right now.
So when you hear of someone whose child has issues- please keep this in mind- many Mom's of children with special needs minimize the hardships of their life. This is partly because this is the only way the child has ever been- partly because they don't want to constantly complain.
God Bless you this Holiday Season!
Cindy

things we need

I have recently learned that there are certain things we need as adult women. Some of the most important of these are: a great bottle of nail polish, the perfect box of hair color, and friends who will tell you the truth especially when you are wrong. These are definitely not in the order of importance. But I have been learning that advice is often very hard to take, but when it comes from someone who cares about you- it is palatable and not very offensive. This is a very new concept to me. I have spent a lifetime fighting the authority figure and attacking those who correct me. It is incredibly freeing.

Dealing with a Mom as a Mom

I have always thought I had a good relationship with my Mom. But recently, I have seen a very manipulative side of her. Where it concerns my children- her grandchildren- she seems to want to be in control of the situation. She has tried to take over my role of caring for my sons where Doctors and services is concerned. I believe it is because she is fearful that they will not get what they need. Unfortunately, this reflects on me that I am not sufficient to provide the perfect care for my children. She has also offered financial advice. The result has been me feeling like she treated me like a 12 year old.
Well, I had a very difficult conversation with her recently where I was very respectful but was also able to let her know how I felt. I'm not saying it was a conversation without tears or yelling on my part- it was difficult. I think I kept saying over and over again, "Mom, I'm not 12, I'm 42. I have gotten really good at asking for help. I promise to ask if I need your help." There was also an issue of her feeling out of the loop with regards to these issues. I again assured her that I do let her know anything anyone official had already told me. I also let her know that I was not going to report to her every time a friend gave me an idea which might help.
I felt great and awful when I got off of the phone with her. Great because I was able to get rid of the feeling that I had to report anything that was happening with the boys to her. Awful because it really went against the people-pleaser in me. But I will get on with my life, and she will get on with hers. I am an amazing Mom to 2 kids who happen to have different needs. I almost wrote "Special Education kids", but they are really kids who have different issues than a lot of others although most of their needs are the same. I take great care of them and my husband and at 42, I can handle most of what is thrown at me with Jesus' help.

Words from a cartoon character

OK- so my youngest son is so upbeat- it is sometimes like I'm living with a cartoon character.
Here are some of the things he had to say recently:
(While waiting for his older brother to meet us at the Middle school) My 9 year old says,"Mom- that girl there- she's hot!"
"She is? Oh, look she's practicing a cheer with her friend."
"Wait they are cheerleaders?"
"Yes."
"Well then they are hot!"
"Why is that?"
"Cheerleaders are hot, Mom!"
"And where did you glean this specific wisdom from?" (as I chuckle quietly)
"I don't know- but they are. Everyone knows that!"

I blame it on too much Disney Channel but it was a very interesting conversation to have had with my 9 year old- that's for sure!

First trip to The Olive Garden Restaurant (a step up from Applebee's) and my youngest was very impressed with the bread sticks, salad, and pizza. Here's what happened:
"Mom, the Chef made this food delicious!"
"You should tell the waitress to let the chef know."(this coming from Dad.)
So the waitress comes by and he had to repeat twice but got his point across. "Please tell the Chef that this food is delicious!"
She agreed to tell him.
Five minutes later- the head chef comes to visit our table.
"I hear you think the pizza is good? My friend (can't remember the chef's name) made it for you. I'll tell him you liked it"
"Thank you it is delicious!"
"Well, make sure you finish it all!"
My son felt very special!

re-united

Hi! Sorry I have been silent for a while again. I guess I am an on- again- off- again writer these days! I recently recieved an e-mail from an unlikely source- a cousin! It was so great to hear from him and it seems all the cousins from that side of the family are trying to communicate better especially since there are new families being formed etc. So, thanks to Face Book, I chatted with a cousin I haven't seen in 18 years! It was so great and I hope to be able to hang with them all soon!
You see, we all are just poor communicators-nothing other than that. We never thought of getting in touch and didn't. I didn't even know where some of them were living! I know there are people who do not like how public some sites are, but I would never have gotten to talk to my cousin if it wasn't for those sites.
So I have a song in my heart for my family I have been missing. It is a great day don't you think?

Giving

I finally get giving, I think. Please understand that I try my best not to be stingy, and give when it is possible, but today changed my perspective on giving.
My youngest comes running down stairs this morning with a dollar bill in his hand and a huge smile on his face.
"What's up?"
He stops. A very serious look covers his face.
"Mom, did you hear about what happened in Haiti?"
"You mean the earthquake? Yeah, many people got hurt and homes were crushed."
He brightens up.
"It's Hats for Haiti Day so I'm bringing in money and I'm wearing a hat in school all day today!"
"You are bringing your money from your allowance?"
"Yup" I can see his proud smile- he knows he is doing something good and worthwhile!
"Wow, that's really generous!"
"Thanks Mom! Can I wear Dad's Mets hat?"
"Sure!"

God wants us to give joyfully- no matter how little we give- and be glad we did it. My son has many dollars he is saving for some important purchase. He gave a dollar to people in need. He is proud that he gave anything. I think that is really my point. Stop judging yourself about how much or little you give...A Joyful gift is more important than how much you give or how often ...
Isn't it?

A surprising quote...

Never design your character like a garden where anyone can walk. Design your character like the sky where everyone desire to reach.- Hitler
From a man I was taught to hate because he killed millions of Jews, blacks, gypsys etc- comes a truly amazing quote. The last bunch of years, I have been learning that character is more important than gifting. Hitler had it right when he said design it like the sky- we want character that is pure, not prideful. That's where I part from his views on this subject. I probably do not agree with anything else the man said or did, but found this to be ironic and interesting.

The Sumo Wrestler!!!!

Ok, so some of you do not know my boys. As of three months ago, they are 12 3/4 yrs old weighing in at 62 1/2 lbs and 9 1/4 yrs weighing in at 50 1/2 lbs. I was on the computer yesterday and heard this really loud THUMP! I ran down stairs yelling,"what fell?" As I am running down the stairs I see the older one sticks his face around the stairs and runs away yelling,"Mom's coming down!" I'm now thinking not only did something fall- but it must have broken too.
I find both children in the kitchen pretending like they have been studiously doing Homework- no one is fooled.
"What was that loud thump? " I asked loudly.
"Nothing" my oldest replies. The youngest is giggling quitely.
"No, there was a loud thump and I need to make sure everything is ok"
"Nothing fell, nothing broke" he continues with a big smile. His Mother distrusts this smile.
"What made that noise then?"
"I did"
"You did?" Remember even with his recent growth he may be 65 lbs soaking wet!" How?"
"I was Sumo wrestling!"He says proudly and demonstrates the biggest thumping step I have ever heard short of elephant steps.
"Whom were you wrestling?" I pursue with fear in my voice.
"No one, Bro was being a scared little kitten."
OK, are you laughing yet? When I tried to tell my hubby- it took 3 or 4 tries to get to the words Sumo Wrestling I was laughing so hard! How can someone so light make such a loud thump?
Figured you might need a smile today- this is the one my child gave me for my 18th anniversary- enjoy!