OK, this is a more serious day I guess. Growing up, I never felt that I could do a job competently. Someone always had to come and fix what I did to make it right.
No, I guess that is not really true- I could fix a bike chain faster and better than any kid on the block by the time I was 8 and that lasted until my bike was destroyed in a freak u-haul accident coming home from camp.
But let's say my expertise has been few and far between. For many years I have been dangerously overwhelmed by my responsibilities and a feeling of incompetence. Think about it! I have never been the most organized person- always wanted to be but never quite achieved it- and I am the Mom of 2 boys. This is a big responsibility and the toys alone are too much to look at some days. I have usually been able to get the clothing done, and dinner cooked. But for quite a long while, that was the extent of what I was able to do.
Recently, I realized that I was the one who was looking for someone else to fix what I saw and that I didn't want to own up to my responsibilities. It was too much work, or too hard for one small person like myself. It was also scary having no one to fix any mistakes I might make.
Then I got sick, I realised how much I can do in a bed going through papers and decluttering. So, after my recent bought with the flu- I have begun to clean and declutter with a purpose. I like having friends over my house and my children deserve to have rooms clear of clutter so they can play and breathe without the dust that accompanies the clutter. Boxes of anything gather dust more quickly than anything else I am aware of. I'm a cleaning lady- I should know. And my youngest son and I are asthmatic while my oldest son has tested positively for dust allergies. And it is just nice to have a house where you don't trip going from one room to the other because of the clutter on the floor.
So, I have been going through boxes of papers and hand me down clothing and washing, sorting and boxing up what is too big, giving away things that we have too much of or are too small, and breathing more freely for the last week. And I often pat myself on the back by letting other people know I have done it. I am prideful about being competent because I feel like I finally am. It took me a very long time to get to this place and I hope I will be able to stay here a while. I am able and capable of doing amazing things and I will share them with you, Readers, as they occur.
So, tonight, I bid you sweet dreams with a feeling of accomplishment.
Cindy
The Iceberg Melts
1 year ago
