Going through a tough Mommy day!

Hi everyone! Well, this has been an emotional roller coaster of a day! It started out great! Got to church really early with the bagels. Hubby happy, kids happy, Mommy happy! Then kids ask to play the iTouch. I say "yes!" happy kid! But then I realized I left it at home. Apologize but still an Unhappy Kid. Later that morning, they were both at the bathroom down a long hall- Unhappy Kid bangs his brother's head into the wall- repeatedly. Unhappy Kid, Hurt and Almost Crying Kid, Upset Daddy, crushed emotionally Mommy. You see, I was so upset with Unhappy Kid for hurting Hurt and almost crying kid! I was feeling no compassion towards Unhappy Kid, I was crying for Hurt and almost crying kid- the wrongful victim of his brothers wrath! Then, as I worshipped more, I was able to be calmer and forgive Unhappy Kid. I was sure that he never thought he could really hurt Hurt and almost crying kid. So, I quietly as I could during the sermon, went out to the car where Unhappy Kid had been removed by Upset Dad. Car parked in the shade with windows open was a safe and cool spot for Unhappy Kid. We spoke of what could have happened. Why what happened was wrong and why it happened in the first place. Unhappy Kid is having trouble with impulse control- big trouble! So Unhappy Daddy- in his wisdom told Unhappy Kid that he got to spend the entire day in his room except for mowing and dinner.  We went shopping at Staples. First week back to school this was a nightmare but we got through it with Mommy being the savior for both boys procuring those hard to get items which were needed for Monday! Happy Mommy, still Unhappy Kid, Hurt Kid and Upset Daddy.  At home after a few hours upstairs in his room, Unhappy Kid( yes I fed him lunch) decides to do the discipline which will get him out of his room but still not get him screen time. He writes 50 times: Dear Lord, please help me to control myself! 50 times! Writing is torture for Unhappy Kid, but he wanted to be a part of the family again,so he did it. And he came down in time for dinner. He learned to shuffle cards today- a major victory for him- there is a physical challenge there- and asked his brother to play a game. During the game he did drop something on Hurt Kid's head and got kicked in the foot as a result! Unhappy Kid got 10 more sentences and Hurt got to put the game away by himself and nothing else because he was clearly the victim here. At bedtime, Hurt went looking to say "Goodnight" to Unhappy- all was forgiven! :) 
     but my Mommy heart was bleeding the whole day! Why? How could he? Poor Hurt! My boys are boys, they do get physical. Please God teach Unhappy how not to hurt his brother anymore!
Sorry for another not too happy post- but life does that. Tomorrow will be better. 
Night for now,
Cindy

School starts today!

Ok! So the first day of school is upon us!!! They both got on the bus fine, but I forgot to put the pencils in the little guys backpack! And can't drive them up to the school... I hope he gets over it quickly.
And I feel like school is starting for me too. I am learning about myself and how big and wonderful God is as I have a few minutes in the kitchen once the boys are gone and the cat stops bugging me for attention.
I am learning that I am NOT the worst person in the world, nor am I the worst homemaker/house cleaner. I am not the worst Mommy because we BOTH forgot the pencils. Do I need to get things done?- absolutely! But I am learning not to beat myself up if I only get the floors and the dishes done today. I am not superwoman, nor am I intended to be her. I am a component woman who is slowly regaining her confidence.
So these are my musings as I sit at the table, already dressed but needing a shower, and having only 4 1/2 hours until pandemonium breaks loose when they get home! I do miss them!

Sickness in the family

Hi all!

So, hubby and were hanging,  watching DVR'd episodes that we had missed, when I started talking to him about the sick member from his side of the family. This man has an extremely special place in my heart, and he has Alzheimer's disease. My maternal grandmother passed away from this disease when I was in the 8th grade. The last time I had seen her, she called me by my Aumt's name(in her defense, I did look al lot like that aunt at the time) and tried to say something but it came out as "The cow is blue!". The disease had reached her language center and the wrong words were assigned to different meanings.  I never went back to see her after that because it freaked me out so much!

And now I am forced to watch this happen to someone else. His wife is having an extremely difficult time because he is very argumentative and she will not let him think things that are not real are reality. And he can never admit that he is wrong. It is very hard to be positive in this situation. I watch him very slowly lose skills? Hmm no- regress is the better word. He no longer drives because he does not always remember where he is going- we were afraid he would get lost! This last visit- we just saw him last week the time before was July 4th- I saw 3 new changes. One made me nervous,one made my hubby nervous, the third was like he is regressing into childhood. 

   I am very very sensitive to the symptoms of this disease. I saw the signs a full year before anyone else did- or could accept it. It was very difficult to tell some family members my thoughts only to have some spit back at me that they hope I am wrong! God help me, I prayed that I was wrong! I have had to face the facts that my maternal Grandmother, and her mother before her both were afflicted by this disease. I never wanted to have to see this disease again. But I am being strong because I have no other choice. My boys deserve to know he has memory issues but still loves them.  And they deserve to see me treat him and his wife with kindness, caring and a positive attitude, even if it is not what I am feeling inside. I am remaining supportive during this extremely difficult time for the whole family.  And I am praying that God would strengthen me and everyone else involved for the years to come.

Sorry for the seriousness of this post- I just needed to get it off of my chest. 

Thank you again for reading,

Cindy

Gamer Girl

Hi folks! It seems it is time to share some about who I am more than what I shared in my profile. I have a confession: I am a Gamer. Now I have a bit of an issue with the term Geek added to the back of that. I am not comfortable with the name Gaming Geek- even though I probably fit into most people's definition of such. Growing up, geek had such major negative connotations for me that I refuse to use it to define me. I prefer to think of myself as a Gamer Girl. And even though I am 44 ( when did that happen?)  I am a teenager at heart. This is probably why I can get so emotional about what my boys are going through- it seems like yesterday- literally!
So, what does a Gamer Girl do? Aside from the mundane chores of raising 2 kids and taking care of ann amazing husband, and draw, music, and socialize (can't forget that!) I play games! I occasionally play board games- even met my hubby in my own basement playing a game years ago! But I prefer number games- Sudoku, Kakuro, and games like bubble pop and bejeweled blitz! I also love hidden object pictures! I got an iTouch for Christmas and since I hurt my leg, I have been playing on it all the time!!!!!  In college during the Gulf war, Iwas given a writing assignment on a segment of  Machiavelli's The Prince, and I wrote an analogy to Dungeons and Dragons. Not what the professor expected but I got a decent grade because I addressed the issue she wanted. So, now you know what a Gamer Girl does. I hope it does not make you want to stop reading my blog because gaming is just one of many facets of this girl. :)

A New Season!

Hi everyone! I just realized it is more than 6 months since I have been on here! I always seem to neglect a part of my life and it seems this blog was it for the last while. Well, our church moved again and this time we blended with another church. But there is something special going on here... The church we blended with are people who used to go to our church many years ago! So, it was like a homecoming to me! I have a tear in my Achilles tendon, that I walked around Disney World for 5 days with! So I can not drive for 6-8 weeks. The stir craziness is already here! And now, the wonderful friends who brought us through this transition are leaving to help other people- they are going to Canada! This is major change, but it is not the biggest change yet. I, Cindy Campbell, am going to be in an Art Fair/Show! I am excited and scared and thrilled and nervous. I expect to sell nothing, but will come equipped with change in case I sell pictures. My drawings as well as photographs are going to be on display for the first time ever. So, here I am with my leg in a brace, using a came and drawing a bit. The boys are fantastic- helping with the laundry and mopping the floors- yup new skill learned! I feel awful that I keep getting hurt during the summer, but at least they had fun in July! So, a new season of my life- thinking of getting more active in my church, thinking of drawing as my new real job (wouldn't that be great?) and growing tomatoes!!!!! Please forgive any typos, blogger moved my spellcheck!!!! God Bless you in this new season!

reflections on seeing a little child play...

Look at her, so sweet and innocent
so adorable in her unconscious ways.
I had children like that,
so beautiful, handsome, sweet
and they still are...but
the teenage years are taking their innocence from them
their childish cuteness being slowly replaced by adult handsomeness,
their sweetness often replaced by teen aged angst,
but they are still there, my sweet children
underneath the obnoxious ways and teenage attitudes,
and when they emerge from the age of the teen, they will still be in there,
my sweet thoughtful boys who were so innocent then.
They will have more wisdom,
their innocence not as pure,
but their golden hearts of love will shine through.
I am waiting to welcome them back from this journey, my sweet babies, as grown men.

A New Year- a prayer for Michael

ok.. I just felt like writing, not about New Year's Resolutions- they never work for me.  Maybe about the kids...

Well, when Michael was going to be going to High School, I thought," Uh,oh! Better warn the High School- I hope they can handle this kid!"
I was assured that he was not the first nor the last with his issues to come through these doors...no problems, Mrs. Campbell, we will help him to excell.
Now almost 1/2 way through the school year, they are finally getting a grasp of who Michael truly is and why I was so nervous in the Spring.  It took 4 months for them to even scratch the surface of who my son is! :o(
It drives me nuts when people in the school do not fully listen to the parent in their assessment of a child.  And yes, he is still a child.  He has the body of a man- he is 5ft 5 1/2 inches and still growing- but he is a child.  He is only 14- ok almost 15.  I can't wait until he is fully a man and can accept responsibility for his actions or lack thereof... but he is not there yet.  Real life is not always easy and I'm afraid for him.  In 4 years he will either be in college, trade school, or working.  I pray he will learn social skills and responsibility in the next 3 years- enough to make it in this world.  To have friends and still get his work done.  To make those decisions which will help him to grow up- because we all know that we grew up more in those years between High School and age like 25 or so! (At least I did!)   
So- I guess this is my prayer for Michael- with his autistic issues and his amazing smile and heart!  His joy for anything funny and his interests in forensics, animals escpecially Yoda, and science!  He loves to laugh.. if people would only break through his anxiety they would see that.  And he has a heart of gold.  That God would bless him and help him... all of his days.
Amen