I'm thinking of hanging up my cape

Hi! I'm Cindy and I have a superwoman complex. (Rest of group: "Hi Cindy!")  It causes me to feel incompetent even when I get things done. It causes me to feel I MUST help people whether they need it or not (on occasion.) It causes me to go out of my way- wrecking my day so I can do something that fits into someone else's schedule. It exhausts me, frustrates me, and prohibits me from getting my stuff done (contributes to it at least.)

I'm not blaming anyone- I am taking responsibility for my thoughts feelings and actions. Please join me on a non-judge mental tour of things that might have caused this in me.

You remember when you are little and you walk into the kitchen and just hang out and start talking with a family member? And sometimes- if they are prepping dinner they will say,"Cindy, make yourself useful and peel some carrots." Remember when that type of thing happened to you growing up? No, they weren't shutting me down but asking for help while I spent time with them. And I was always happy to help them.

Or when you go to an event early and someone asks "would you be able to help set that table, please?" I wasn't always so willing to help with but it was a social obligation that I grew up with.

Well- I internalized it somehow. I need to feel useful. I do! Like all the time. I'm happiest when I am helping people. (Except painting but that is to be explored another day.) So, when someone asks me for help- I automatically say,"Sure!" I don't even think of my plans or how it will affect my family or my set up for that day or week. I see a need and I fill it. I take care of it. I rescue that person from their need. End of story. 

I need to remember that being useful is not always good. It is sometimes good for the person you are helping, but it isn't good for you all the time. And I don't need to be needed. Sometimes it is feeding someone's codependency on getting outside help. It is so bad at times that people start to expect it of you. 'Oh, you need help that day? I'm sure Cindy can cook a meal or something.'

At work there were a few weeks where I was on the schedule for a measly 4 hours but I worked at least 12 because when people call in- they call me to fill in. (Truthfully- they call in anyone who is not working that day- but I respond quickly.) The bad of that is that they were expecting me to fill in whenever they had an opening, despite me needing to get my own stuff done. And they were putting me in for fewer hours because of it.

So why do I feel I need to rescue people?  I think it is tied to my needing to be accepted. I feel that if I don't help out- they won't accept or care for of love me anymore. Now- let me make this EXTREMELY CLEAR- my family has loved me unconditionally through good decisions and bad. They have always been supportive even if they do not agree with my choices. I hear their opinions and then they find a way to help me in any way they can once my decision has been made. We may not be perfect- but my family has this part right.

I believe it goes all the way back to kindergarten but I will get into that another time. Suffice it to say that my teacher didn't help the need to do thing to be in people's good graces.

So it encouraged me thinking if I help- people will like me.  I'm sure there were many other occurances in elementary school on up to the cliques in High School that encouraged this concept.

Fast forward to the present and you have a Mom of two special needs teenagers- who works part time- and has her own health issues to handle- and feels like she constantly has to play Superwoman. 

Well, here it is folks. I am going to try to hang up my cape. That doesn't mean I won't talk to anyone about stuff that I am knowledgeable in, or I won't do for others, but I am not being taken advantage of any more. 

Next time I do something for someone, I will do it totally with love in my heart- not as an obligation or as a 'save' or 'rescue' attempt.

Thank you all for reading this extremely long post. It means a whole lot to me that you took the time to finish it. 

With much love and a more peaceful heart,

Cindy