special needs

Hi everyone! I may be changing the Blog style soon but you will soon understand why...or I'll make a new blog I'm unsure as of yet.

In November of this year my oldest child was diagnosed with Aspberger's Syndrome accompanied by ADHD. A few days late a different Doctor declared PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) with a touch of ADD. Either way my oldest dear one is definitely on the low end of the Autistic spectrum.
This is what I have thought/feared for many months and years. He is 13 and this is considered a very late diagnosis. But both doctors assured me that we were doing the right type of things- he just needs more social circumstances and better relaxation techniques. For those of you who are left in the dark- the issues that most plague my son are: significant social and emotional delays (this is the Autism part), and extreme disorganization(ADD or ADHD) which cause major amounts of anxiety.
So what is a Mom of a child like this to do??? Aside from pray a lot, be patient. Be patient, and try not to be frustrated. And BE PATIENT and try not to be FRUSTRATED!!!!!
Let's just say I am definitely growing in my understanding of patience, frustration and how much I personally can handle these days! Please understand- he is also incredibly creative and funny- I wouldn't want to take either of these things away and they are linked with the issues so no meds for us right now.
So when you hear of someone whose child has issues- please keep this in mind- many Mom's of children with special needs minimize the hardships of their life. This is partly because this is the only way the child has ever been- partly because they don't want to constantly complain.
God Bless you this Holiday Season!
Cindy

things we need

I have recently learned that there are certain things we need as adult women. Some of the most important of these are: a great bottle of nail polish, the perfect box of hair color, and friends who will tell you the truth especially when you are wrong. These are definitely not in the order of importance. But I have been learning that advice is often very hard to take, but when it comes from someone who cares about you- it is palatable and not very offensive. This is a very new concept to me. I have spent a lifetime fighting the authority figure and attacking those who correct me. It is incredibly freeing.

Dealing with a Mom as a Mom

I have always thought I had a good relationship with my Mom. But recently, I have seen a very manipulative side of her. Where it concerns my children- her grandchildren- she seems to want to be in control of the situation. She has tried to take over my role of caring for my sons where Doctors and services is concerned. I believe it is because she is fearful that they will not get what they need. Unfortunately, this reflects on me that I am not sufficient to provide the perfect care for my children. She has also offered financial advice. The result has been me feeling like she treated me like a 12 year old.
Well, I had a very difficult conversation with her recently where I was very respectful but was also able to let her know how I felt. I'm not saying it was a conversation without tears or yelling on my part- it was difficult. I think I kept saying over and over again, "Mom, I'm not 12, I'm 42. I have gotten really good at asking for help. I promise to ask if I need your help." There was also an issue of her feeling out of the loop with regards to these issues. I again assured her that I do let her know anything anyone official had already told me. I also let her know that I was not going to report to her every time a friend gave me an idea which might help.
I felt great and awful when I got off of the phone with her. Great because I was able to get rid of the feeling that I had to report anything that was happening with the boys to her. Awful because it really went against the people-pleaser in me. But I will get on with my life, and she will get on with hers. I am an amazing Mom to 2 kids who happen to have different needs. I almost wrote "Special Education kids", but they are really kids who have different issues than a lot of others although most of their needs are the same. I take great care of them and my husband and at 42, I can handle most of what is thrown at me with Jesus' help.

Words from a cartoon character

OK- so my youngest son is so upbeat- it is sometimes like I'm living with a cartoon character.
Here are some of the things he had to say recently:
(While waiting for his older brother to meet us at the Middle school) My 9 year old says,"Mom- that girl there- she's hot!"
"She is? Oh, look she's practicing a cheer with her friend."
"Wait they are cheerleaders?"
"Yes."
"Well then they are hot!"
"Why is that?"
"Cheerleaders are hot, Mom!"
"And where did you glean this specific wisdom from?" (as I chuckle quietly)
"I don't know- but they are. Everyone knows that!"

I blame it on too much Disney Channel but it was a very interesting conversation to have had with my 9 year old- that's for sure!

First trip to The Olive Garden Restaurant (a step up from Applebee's) and my youngest was very impressed with the bread sticks, salad, and pizza. Here's what happened:
"Mom, the Chef made this food delicious!"
"You should tell the waitress to let the chef know."(this coming from Dad.)
So the waitress comes by and he had to repeat twice but got his point across. "Please tell the Chef that this food is delicious!"
She agreed to tell him.
Five minutes later- the head chef comes to visit our table.
"I hear you think the pizza is good? My friend (can't remember the chef's name) made it for you. I'll tell him you liked it"
"Thank you it is delicious!"
"Well, make sure you finish it all!"
My son felt very special!

re-united

Hi! Sorry I have been silent for a while again. I guess I am an on- again- off- again writer these days! I recently recieved an e-mail from an unlikely source- a cousin! It was so great to hear from him and it seems all the cousins from that side of the family are trying to communicate better especially since there are new families being formed etc. So, thanks to Face Book, I chatted with a cousin I haven't seen in 18 years! It was so great and I hope to be able to hang with them all soon!
You see, we all are just poor communicators-nothing other than that. We never thought of getting in touch and didn't. I didn't even know where some of them were living! I know there are people who do not like how public some sites are, but I would never have gotten to talk to my cousin if it wasn't for those sites.
So I have a song in my heart for my family I have been missing. It is a great day don't you think?

Giving

I finally get giving, I think. Please understand that I try my best not to be stingy, and give when it is possible, but today changed my perspective on giving.
My youngest comes running down stairs this morning with a dollar bill in his hand and a huge smile on his face.
"What's up?"
He stops. A very serious look covers his face.
"Mom, did you hear about what happened in Haiti?"
"You mean the earthquake? Yeah, many people got hurt and homes were crushed."
He brightens up.
"It's Hats for Haiti Day so I'm bringing in money and I'm wearing a hat in school all day today!"
"You are bringing your money from your allowance?"
"Yup" I can see his proud smile- he knows he is doing something good and worthwhile!
"Wow, that's really generous!"
"Thanks Mom! Can I wear Dad's Mets hat?"
"Sure!"

God wants us to give joyfully- no matter how little we give- and be glad we did it. My son has many dollars he is saving for some important purchase. He gave a dollar to people in need. He is proud that he gave anything. I think that is really my point. Stop judging yourself about how much or little you give...A Joyful gift is more important than how much you give or how often ...
Isn't it?

A surprising quote...

Never design your character like a garden where anyone can walk. Design your character like the sky where everyone desire to reach.- Hitler
From a man I was taught to hate because he killed millions of Jews, blacks, gypsys etc- comes a truly amazing quote. The last bunch of years, I have been learning that character is more important than gifting. Hitler had it right when he said design it like the sky- we want character that is pure, not prideful. That's where I part from his views on this subject. I probably do not agree with anything else the man said or did, but found this to be ironic and interesting.

The Sumo Wrestler!!!!

Ok, so some of you do not know my boys. As of three months ago, they are 12 3/4 yrs old weighing in at 62 1/2 lbs and 9 1/4 yrs weighing in at 50 1/2 lbs. I was on the computer yesterday and heard this really loud THUMP! I ran down stairs yelling,"what fell?" As I am running down the stairs I see the older one sticks his face around the stairs and runs away yelling,"Mom's coming down!" I'm now thinking not only did something fall- but it must have broken too.
I find both children in the kitchen pretending like they have been studiously doing Homework- no one is fooled.
"What was that loud thump? " I asked loudly.
"Nothing" my oldest replies. The youngest is giggling quitely.
"No, there was a loud thump and I need to make sure everything is ok"
"Nothing fell, nothing broke" he continues with a big smile. His Mother distrusts this smile.
"What made that noise then?"
"I did"
"You did?" Remember even with his recent growth he may be 65 lbs soaking wet!" How?"
"I was Sumo wrestling!"He says proudly and demonstrates the biggest thumping step I have ever heard short of elephant steps.
"Whom were you wrestling?" I pursue with fear in my voice.
"No one, Bro was being a scared little kitten."
OK, are you laughing yet? When I tried to tell my hubby- it took 3 or 4 tries to get to the words Sumo Wrestling I was laughing so hard! How can someone so light make such a loud thump?
Figured you might need a smile today- this is the one my child gave me for my 18th anniversary- enjoy!

I can breathe!!!

OK, so God is so powerful, He healed my asthma at a conference this last weekend! I never knew how the other half lived until recently! You can walk up the stairs with a laundry basket and not be out of breath- you can go upstairs and back down a few times and be OK! I even had a mini race today with my 12 year old. OK, so I cut the corner to get ahead of him but I did put on a burst of speed and he had a hard time passing me for a few seconds there! He did eventually beat me- I would have been long gone if it was any further to the school than it was! LOL- my body has been out of shape for a long time and it is time to work on it now that I can breathe and push myself more!
Wow! I have not been able to breathe like this since I was in Junior High- before they said I had asthmatic tendencies- that was over 20 years ago folks! So today I am reveling in my newfound breath and enjoying every minute of it! :o)

been gone for a while

Ok, so I haven't been feeling like posting lately...it's because I have been feeling ill. I have asthma and this was the worst ever. I'm getting better every day, though...on a new med and a new Dr. So things are fine.
We went apple picking in my in-law's back yard! They have 3 acres of land and don't use pesticides and we make apple juice and apple sauce and she cans the sauce and apple pie filling and drys some. It is lots of fun! We made and canned16 quarts of apple sauce over Columbus Day weekend alone! That's a lot for basically 2 days.
It was fun and now we are back to everyday life.

Dayenu

I read this about a year ago and it resonated so strongly in me that I felt I needed to share it with you. It is from another blog, www.aholyexperience.com/2008/10/how-to-find-joy.html . Dayenu is a reading and a song sung during the Passover service that recounts all that God did when He brought the Jews out of Egypt- and it goes into specifics!
I hope this helps you find peace like it is helping me every day.

Ok, what my kids say...

When we were moving from our last apartment to our new house we moved some small items in before we actually moved. Michael was 3 and 1/2 almost and one night he came in to the kitchen after letting out a particularly heartwrenching wail..."Mommy- I left my dresser at the big house!" (I had taken 2 weeks worth of clothes out for him) I showed him where the new clothes were and all was right in his little world again.

When Alex was 2 his favorite thing to say was,"Oh, cool! Mom, thanks!" Usually this was for the middle of the night glass of water and I would go back to my room chuckling.

What funny things did your kids say as little ones, I'd love to hear them!

Deadlines

Ok, so I have been crocheting this blanket and am very close to my deadline and I remember why I dislike making blankets to order. There is no life very close to a deadline. Not just spiritually- I have no life when I am close to a deadline! My whole life becomes the blanket, and then laundry and dishes and maybe we will scrounge something to eat! It is the pits.

Why am I up at the unGodly hour of 5am? Because I have a sick kid and have woken up 4 times in the last 3 hours to him getting sick. I'm just waiting him out now. Can't crochet when I'm the only one taking care of the poor dear.
Thanks for listening to my middle of the night rant!

Time to crochet again! Yippee!

Hi all! Well, after a restful week at the in-laws and the fair, I had 2 crazed back to school weeks and now it is time to crochet. You see, I do not crochet in the summer if I can help it at all. but it is recently my favorite past time. I love the feel of yarn between my fingers, and to watch the blanket or scarf growing as I watch it. I love picking out the colors and changing things in the middle. My new favorite yarn is TLC Baby Amor`e for the baby blankets, and TLC amore for the adult blankets! Soft to the touch and vibrant colors! I also have a soft spot for homespun yarns. They stir the creative side of my heart. Last year I started making "scrap yarn blankets" which are made with left over yarn- which crafters call scrap yarn because they do not have enough to make a full project out of it. My wonderful, ordered, faithful and supportive husband did not like this as much as the old way. He liked the colors, and was very encouraging about that, but not the lack of symmetry. It cracked me up! In some ways we are so opposite. His love of symmetry clashes with my love of the random look. And I am still making my regular blankets, so never fear symmetry and order will still exist, but I love scrap yarn blankets more.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a scrap yarn blanket. A little bit of this person, time spent in that town, a summer with this group of friends at camp, a brief friendship with this one and a lasting friendship with the other. A childhood fling with these, but a lifetime love of one. All of these events have come together to help create my perceptions of life, the universe and everything. I am greatful for each and everyone who has been on this journey with me- even if you were the college roommate who made life not the funnest, or the kid who picked on me as a child- you have helped me to become who I am.

Summertime things of the past...

OK, so a friend mentioned things from her youth and it got me to thinking....these are things from childhood so under the age of 12 I would say.



I think of playing frisbee in the street with my Dad after dinner in our Pajamas! You see we would be at the beach all day, and Mom would make us bathe before dinner and we'd put our PJ's on. Then after dinner, around 7:30- Dad would say,"You wanna play frisbee?" and the three of us would be out there trying to fling it to Dad! It was a strange and wonderful time being outside in our PJ's at a time when it should be getting dark, but wasn't.



Then there were the trips on the ice cream truck. Yes, you heard me right, trips. My closest friend's big brother drove the ice cream truck a couple of years and would let us hop on for half a block! That was a hoot!



Being at the beach all day long. You see, until I was 8 we shared a cabana at a beach club with very close friends. They were wonderful days filled with sand, pool, camp and the ocean. My Mom would take us down to the ocean every afternoon before we left and just let us run! The beach would be almost deserted so she could walk along the beach and know we were going to be tired out for the evening when we got home..That was when you were allowed to climb on the jetties with out the lifeguard whistling at you! Now realize I also feel I got beached out from this, and no longer love the beach, but I take the cuties to the beach whenever we see my Mom in the summer.



I also loved summer camp! The Rec Center ran a half day camp and many fond memories come from there. I was given my first nickname (Half-Pint) and was because of the nickname, I was not M's little sister or A's big sister but my own person.



I bought the only softball mitt ever with my own money one year. It was a lefty mitt and the only one sold at Wolf's Sporting Goods. I went with my Dad to purchase it and when we got there he asked me which one I wanted. I think he was surprised when I walked over to the exact spot at the counter and pointed up to it and told him it was the only one they carried. Please realise this was a major purchase and I think it was $12.99 which was a lot of money to me. I had scoped it out for weeks until I had the money to buy it.

There are many more, but these stand out in my mind as significant. What do you remember from your childhood? I'd love to hear about it!

Funny things

"Mommy, the grass outside is growing as fast as grapes are eaten!" quipped Michael.

"Oh, it's growing that fast hunh?"Mom asked, knowing that grapes are eaten very quickly in this house.

"Yeah- it is biiiig."

"Hey were you using a similie or Metaphor there?"

"Similie, Mom." sighed the 12 year old son of an english teacher wanna be.

"OK, guess we have to tell Dad to mow soon!"

"Yup!"



No, I did not make this dialog up- my son was home with me a lot this week, and I always ask things like similie or metaphor- keep him thinking. Yes, it is funny. He knows I almost became an English teacher, and he still puts up with me. He thinks it's funny to discuss things with me- that I often read his books to have something to talk to him about. And he talks to me still, about lots of stuff. I am blessed.

Slow down!

Sorry I have not been posting as often- the novelty has worn off, and kids birthday party and end of Summer activities are filling the air. I promise to write as I get stuff...but from August 31-September 6 expect nothing.

OK, so I am back from a weekend without anyone. (Hooray for Mommy time!) I am looking out my kitchen window at my neighbors. The Mrs., her daughter and granddaughter are all sitting and hanging out. The granddaughter is around a year old, maybe a few months more. And as I gaze out I notice something weird. They are all moving in jerky motions- quick jerky motions. I think,"How strange." Then I realize that the baby has learned to make quick jerky motions from her Mom and Grandma! I then think that maybe I am supposed to relax and rest. I wonder how jerky my motions are and I start to move to pour a drink of water. Jerky!

And then I think about TaiChi. It is all the jerky moves of many martial arts but they are done in a fluid motion, unhurried by the clock or other men. Many years ago, a friend told me he interrupted his Mom doing TaiChi and decided if she sped up he would have been toast!

So, somewhere in this world and the universe, there is a force, I'm thinking it's God, that is trying to slow things down into their beauty, like TaiChi, from the hectic New York hustle and bustle. And yes, I am a Long Islander from New York. I was raised very close to the real hustle bustle of the City, but I think it is partially inside us. I lived in the Albany area for 5 years, and I was still rushed, but less than before. And only NYC transplants in that area ever truly rush.

So I listened to that thought about slowing down, and drew a picture that I had always wanted to draw- but it started as a doodle. And I got only what had to be done that day completed. And i enjoyed my kiddies, and it was a good day.

Well, I hope you all have relaxing times each day for your minds- and I don't mean while you sleep! LOL!

Peace to you,
Cindy

Crunchy Grass

Hi everyone! I am not very good at upkeep on things.
I clean the house and a week later must declutter and put away for hours after.
I have the same upkeep problem with the grass. So, it gets dry. It gets brown. It gets crunchy. Yes, crunchy! I can't remember if it was my neighbor or one of her children who when I asked why do you want to play here and not on my lawn? The answer was "Your grass is crunchy!" Usually it gets crunchy mid August- maybe not at all this year with the rain we've had! And yet when we get those flash rains in August- it greens up quick. It's not dead grass, just crunchy.
I am like that sometimes....I feel like I am an artist although it is years since I have sculpted, and writer but until this blog again it has been years, and I am still waiting for what I am to do in the long run.
But I will always be me! No matter how against the grain...hope you are not bothered by it :o)

on being competent...

OK, this is a more serious day I guess. Growing up, I never felt that I could do a job competently. Someone always had to come and fix what I did to make it right.

No, I guess that is not really true- I could fix a bike chain faster and better than any kid on the block by the time I was 8 and that lasted until my bike was destroyed in a freak u-haul accident coming home from camp.

But let's say my expertise has been few and far between. For many years I have been dangerously overwhelmed by my responsibilities and a feeling of incompetence. Think about it! I have never been the most organized person- always wanted to be but never quite achieved it- and I am the Mom of 2 boys. This is a big responsibility and the toys alone are too much to look at some days. I have usually been able to get the clothing done, and dinner cooked. But for quite a long while, that was the extent of what I was able to do.

Recently, I realized that I was the one who was looking for someone else to fix what I saw and that I didn't want to own up to my responsibilities. It was too much work, or too hard for one small person like myself. It was also scary having no one to fix any mistakes I might make.

Then I got sick, I realised how much I can do in a bed going through papers and decluttering. So, after my recent bought with the flu- I have begun to clean and declutter with a purpose. I like having friends over my house and my children deserve to have rooms clear of clutter so they can play and breathe without the dust that accompanies the clutter. Boxes of anything gather dust more quickly than anything else I am aware of. I'm a cleaning lady- I should know. And my youngest son and I are asthmatic while my oldest son has tested positively for dust allergies. And it is just nice to have a house where you don't trip going from one room to the other because of the clutter on the floor.

So, I have been going through boxes of papers and hand me down clothing and washing, sorting and boxing up what is too big, giving away things that we have too much of or are too small, and breathing more freely for the last week. And I often pat myself on the back by letting other people know I have done it. I am prideful about being competent because I feel like I finally am. It took me a very long time to get to this place and I hope I will be able to stay here a while. I am able and capable of doing amazing things and I will share them with you, Readers, as they occur.

So, tonight, I bid you sweet dreams with a feeling of accomplishment.
Cindy

Angel Wars- very cool for kids

Hi Everyone! My kids have been absolutely bugging me to let them see the movie Angel Wars which they previewed on a DVD 3 weeks ago. Well, John and I had date night last night and watched it to see what it is all about. (Date night usually means 8:00-8:30 we disappear into the basement to watch the movie or show of our choice without kids bugging us!) Oh, my, it was adorable! It explains in a very simple way how angels and demons came to be and then you follow 2 angels in training. It is so cool! They just came out this year-copywright says 2009- and Fox put it out. It is well worth the time for your kids!

Have a blessed day,

Cindy