ok

so I had this amazing thought in my head and it just flew...as I started to type it dissappeared.  So I will write something else.
When you have a child with special needs- people do not understand.  My son walks around school all day... with his sweatshirt hood up over his hair...because it is a place to hide.  Is this what I want him to do? Absolutely not- but is it what he does? Yes.  He is 14 and needs to make the right decisions based on the models her has in his life.  Does he sometimes overheat while doing this? Ewwww-yes!  But I love him- he is my son.  He has taught me that sometimes hiding is the only way we can be ourselves, until we become who we are meant to be more fully.  I know once he grows into his abilities and strengths and weaknesses he will stop hiding.  And yes, I meant grow into his weaknesses as well.  When we can embrace that there are things that we are not very good at- not in denial of things we can do mind you- like I have a really hard time with History and memorizing dates- but give me a string of equations and I am at home :o)  It is freeing to be able to tell my children- "Go ask Daddy.  I am really bad at Ancient Egypt."  I think I am modelling the right thing when I say it as well.  I know a lot but I am never going to know it all.
My other son, walks around smiling all day at school- skipping through the halls on occassion because he is just a truly happy child!  (I have eye witnesses of the skipping) He loves interacting with people, and loves school.  He is also extremely sensitive to criticism- he will hold it in until he gets home and then collapse in a tearful heap in my lap on a tough day.  From him, the most important things I am learning is there is always time for a hug and that I need to forgive myself much more quickly than I did in the past- he learned it from somewhere!
I guess what I wnted to say here is please look closely before you judge.  You just don't know what is going on in their lives.  Better yet, don't judge them at all.  My oldest would rather not speak to you because his anxiety is so high that it can be too scary- he is NOT ignoring you.
well that seems to be all for tonight. :o)

Changes

MY life has changed drastically the last 5 months.  I went from being mostly healthy, but extremely overweight to being a recovering hernia patient who MUST lose weight in order to prevent a new hernia from occurring.
Mind you my operation and recovery were nothing short of miraculous!  The Dr even telling me "You just had major surgery.  You are making this look easy.  That makes me look good.  I like you!" Yes, he made me laugh but I recovered well, thank you, God!
I have begun walking 1 mile as many days as  can- then I got bronchitis- I get this often.  I then took a week to do nothing.  Yes, nothing.  I needed to prioritize my life and all of my activities were distracting me from the main focus of my life- even though many were God centered activities.  I had lots of time to pray and to listen and to slow down (I am still learning from that lesson).  Well, God, family, then me- that is my new order for my life.  And I discovered in the past week that when I put God first, family second, I have more time for me in the long run and I am less stressed!
So- Go ME!!!  I am reclaiming my house from 5 months of sickness and depression and inability to tackle things.  I AM a Competent Woman!
And, I have 2 great kids.  They deserve me to have my stuff together so I have time for them when they get home.  Same goes for my husband who is amazing!

things we need

I have recently learned that there are certain things we need as adult women. Some of the most important of these are: a great bottle of nail polish, the perfect box of hair color, and friends who will tell you the truth especially when you are wrong. These are definitely not in the order of importance. But I have been learning that advice is often very hard to take, but when it comes from someone who cares about you- it is palatable and not very offensive. This is a very new concept to me. I have spent a lifetime fighting the authority figure and attacking those who correct me. It is incredibly freeing.

Time to crochet again! Yippee!

Hi all! Well, after a restful week at the in-laws and the fair, I had 2 crazed back to school weeks and now it is time to crochet. You see, I do not crochet in the summer if I can help it at all. but it is recently my favorite past time. I love the feel of yarn between my fingers, and to watch the blanket or scarf growing as I watch it. I love picking out the colors and changing things in the middle. My new favorite yarn is TLC Baby Amor`e for the baby blankets, and TLC amore for the adult blankets! Soft to the touch and vibrant colors! I also have a soft spot for homespun yarns. They stir the creative side of my heart. Last year I started making "scrap yarn blankets" which are made with left over yarn- which crafters call scrap yarn because they do not have enough to make a full project out of it. My wonderful, ordered, faithful and supportive husband did not like this as much as the old way. He liked the colors, and was very encouraging about that, but not the lack of symmetry. It cracked me up! In some ways we are so opposite. His love of symmetry clashes with my love of the random look. And I am still making my regular blankets, so never fear symmetry and order will still exist, but I love scrap yarn blankets more.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a scrap yarn blanket. A little bit of this person, time spent in that town, a summer with this group of friends at camp, a brief friendship with this one and a lasting friendship with the other. A childhood fling with these, but a lifetime love of one. All of these events have come together to help create my perceptions of life, the universe and everything. I am greatful for each and everyone who has been on this journey with me- even if you were the college roommate who made life not the funnest, or the kid who picked on me as a child- you have helped me to become who I am.