Changes

MY life has changed drastically the last 5 months.  I went from being mostly healthy, but extremely overweight to being a recovering hernia patient who MUST lose weight in order to prevent a new hernia from occurring.
Mind you my operation and recovery were nothing short of miraculous!  The Dr even telling me "You just had major surgery.  You are making this look easy.  That makes me look good.  I like you!" Yes, he made me laugh but I recovered well, thank you, God!
I have begun walking 1 mile as many days as  can- then I got bronchitis- I get this often.  I then took a week to do nothing.  Yes, nothing.  I needed to prioritize my life and all of my activities were distracting me from the main focus of my life- even though many were God centered activities.  I had lots of time to pray and to listen and to slow down (I am still learning from that lesson).  Well, God, family, then me- that is my new order for my life.  And I discovered in the past week that when I put God first, family second, I have more time for me in the long run and I am less stressed!
So- Go ME!!!  I am reclaiming my house from 5 months of sickness and depression and inability to tackle things.  I AM a Competent Woman!
And, I have 2 great kids.  They deserve me to have my stuff together so I have time for them when they get home.  Same goes for my husband who is amazing!

Dealing with a Mom as a Mom

I have always thought I had a good relationship with my Mom. But recently, I have seen a very manipulative side of her. Where it concerns my children- her grandchildren- she seems to want to be in control of the situation. She has tried to take over my role of caring for my sons where Doctors and services is concerned. I believe it is because she is fearful that they will not get what they need. Unfortunately, this reflects on me that I am not sufficient to provide the perfect care for my children. She has also offered financial advice. The result has been me feeling like she treated me like a 12 year old.
Well, I had a very difficult conversation with her recently where I was very respectful but was also able to let her know how I felt. I'm not saying it was a conversation without tears or yelling on my part- it was difficult. I think I kept saying over and over again, "Mom, I'm not 12, I'm 42. I have gotten really good at asking for help. I promise to ask if I need your help." There was also an issue of her feeling out of the loop with regards to these issues. I again assured her that I do let her know anything anyone official had already told me. I also let her know that I was not going to report to her every time a friend gave me an idea which might help.
I felt great and awful when I got off of the phone with her. Great because I was able to get rid of the feeling that I had to report anything that was happening with the boys to her. Awful because it really went against the people-pleaser in me. But I will get on with my life, and she will get on with hers. I am an amazing Mom to 2 kids who happen to have different needs. I almost wrote "Special Education kids", but they are really kids who have different issues than a lot of others although most of their needs are the same. I take great care of them and my husband and at 42, I can handle most of what is thrown at me with Jesus' help.

on being competent...

OK, this is a more serious day I guess. Growing up, I never felt that I could do a job competently. Someone always had to come and fix what I did to make it right.

No, I guess that is not really true- I could fix a bike chain faster and better than any kid on the block by the time I was 8 and that lasted until my bike was destroyed in a freak u-haul accident coming home from camp.

But let's say my expertise has been few and far between. For many years I have been dangerously overwhelmed by my responsibilities and a feeling of incompetence. Think about it! I have never been the most organized person- always wanted to be but never quite achieved it- and I am the Mom of 2 boys. This is a big responsibility and the toys alone are too much to look at some days. I have usually been able to get the clothing done, and dinner cooked. But for quite a long while, that was the extent of what I was able to do.

Recently, I realized that I was the one who was looking for someone else to fix what I saw and that I didn't want to own up to my responsibilities. It was too much work, or too hard for one small person like myself. It was also scary having no one to fix any mistakes I might make.

Then I got sick, I realised how much I can do in a bed going through papers and decluttering. So, after my recent bought with the flu- I have begun to clean and declutter with a purpose. I like having friends over my house and my children deserve to have rooms clear of clutter so they can play and breathe without the dust that accompanies the clutter. Boxes of anything gather dust more quickly than anything else I am aware of. I'm a cleaning lady- I should know. And my youngest son and I are asthmatic while my oldest son has tested positively for dust allergies. And it is just nice to have a house where you don't trip going from one room to the other because of the clutter on the floor.

So, I have been going through boxes of papers and hand me down clothing and washing, sorting and boxing up what is too big, giving away things that we have too much of or are too small, and breathing more freely for the last week. And I often pat myself on the back by letting other people know I have done it. I am prideful about being competent because I feel like I finally am. It took me a very long time to get to this place and I hope I will be able to stay here a while. I am able and capable of doing amazing things and I will share them with you, Readers, as they occur.

So, tonight, I bid you sweet dreams with a feeling of accomplishment.
Cindy