Goals, dreams, desires

So I was thinking today. (Quick- get the emergency kit out- this could be dangerous!) I was thinking of all the things I wanted to be and do when I was a young girl. I wanted to be a dancer, a singer, a writer (a blog does not a writer make people), at one point an artist, a teacher. But there was one thread that went through all of these was this: that I would make a mark upon this world, I would have made a difference. My greatest wish was that my presence here on earth would leave this world better for my being in it.

Now these were my goals as a small child. These goals changed as I grew up. As a married lady in my 20's (oh so wizened by my vast worldly experience) my goals were different. To be a good wife and to brighten the world around me. To find what my destiny my purpose in this world was and that I could make a significant mark on the world by doing just that.  

Then two years ago my main goals changed in radical ways. These things happen when you come out on the other side of a potentially life threatening illness and are left with a residual chronic disease- your priorities change.

My goals that day were as follow: to see both of my children graduate from High School and possibly college if that is the choice they make. To be able to dance at their respective weddings if they go that route as well. To hold every one of my grandchildren and if God allows it- to meet all of my great-grandchildren as well. To make a difference in the world by being a positive influence in my immediate surroundings. I want to be able to follow my destiny- part of which is seen by me now- and do it well. I want to be able to brighten people's days and bless their nights with peace. To be able to know that today I made someone smile or my phone call relieved some feelings of loneliness. 

Seems a lot like the other two now- but one key item is missing. I don't any longer have the need to make a global mark. Part of that is because, thanks to the internet and Facebook, I have been able to touch people all over the US  and across the other side of the globe. I have people I am in contact with weekly in other countries.

 Do I still want to be a household name? That's a tough one. I would be honored if it happened and I do believe my art is for a broader audience than I now command. But no- I don't want to be a household name the way a celebrity is. (Most artists become household names once they die people. Think on that lol)

Since then, I have sold 5 paintings and given away countless drawings and paintings. If what I am inspired to create gives life and happiness to someone else- why not let them have it? If someone offers to buy it I will sell it at my cost. My art right now is a significant part of my destiny. And it is to touch people- one picture at a time- to make this place a better place when I go than when I found it.

Now please remember- I am not perfect- I am extremely flawed and I do not always radiate light and hope. I still have my days of anger and wanting to lash out and wish this disease would just dissappear. I have my moments of screaming at my children and husband and whomever else will listen to me cry and whine. 

But my goal is to be someone who people will one day think on and smile. Who, by touching those lives I am in contact with, makes her mark on the world by doing the little things that can transform a classroom, workplace, restaurant, public bus trip for the better.