My dis-ease.....

Hi everyone! Tonight I was worried. I had seen last week's 'Under the Dome' tv show and I watched a diabetic woman die of heart failure as a complication of her diabetes. It has been bothering me for a while. In the Spring, a close friend's daughter needed eye surgery because of diabetic complications. And she had been to the Dr a couple of months before. It is scary. Plain and simple. And I have to be strong and just keep muscling on and moving forward.
For my wonderfully caring and compassionate husband who has been my rock for 26 years
I am moving forward
For my incredible children who amaze me at every turn
I am moving forward
For my friends, family members, and acquaintances
I am moving forward
For my God- who uses me to touch people's lives
I am moving forward
And for myself
I am trying to move forward
A friend recently said that we need to keep moving.  We need to keep growing, we need to press onward toward the mountaintop (I paraphrase and embellish- so sue me!)
The problem is, this disease can kill me in the blink of an eye.
I have Diabetes. I was hospitalized in January a few days after my diagnosis when there had been absolutely no sign within the 2 years prior or ever before that.  According to my physicians- all 14 of them- holy cow!- it was a very fast developing condition- highly irregular.  Most people think Diabetes is just a dietary issue and if you lose weight it will go away! They are mis informed.
Type 2 Diabetes, which is resistance to the insulin your body makes, can go into remission if you eat right and exercise, but the disease never leaves.
Type 1 Diabetes, where your body does not creat enough insulin, never goes away. You have to inject insulin into your system with every meal. And at night before bed, another injection. You have to diet, exercise, take a handful of precautionary medicines, and still your disease can strike at any time.
The big D can effect very single major system in your body. Every single one. Lungs, heart, kidney, skin, nervous system, eyes, feet- many diabetics have had toes and even legs amputated due to loss of nerve endings working in the feet- a neuropathy of sorts- and getting a cut or scrape that gets infected and is not noticed within an appropriate time frame.
Diabetics are traditionally slow healers. That means my Wolverine-like healing should be fading but it hasn't yet!
Diabetes is my dis-ease: it literally puts me out of a place of ease and into a place of dis-ease. It is a scary place to be. It is a frightening place to be. It is an impossible place to be sometimes.
People say,"That stinks but at least it isn't cancer!" It can be worse than cancer because it strikes every part of the body where cancer tends to be localized until it hits certain lymph nodes or the blood stream. People say,"Well, you can cure it with exercise and diet!" People are uneducated and misled.
I can honestly say that without the support of my family, my friends, and my God, I would be curled up in a little ball of fear, trembling in the corner crying.
Instead, I am moving forward.
I have begun painting, interpreting Dreams and life readings, walking in busy street fairs and telling people encouraging things that I shouldn't know. Despite my illness, God is using me powerfully. He is my courage- on my own I am a wimp! There, I said it. Let me say it again,"I am a wimp without God!" People I know tell me I am so strong and brave. And maybe I look that way, but I don't feel it.
I went to a Diabetic Expo in March and met some incredibly amazing people who are fighting this disease with all that they have. They are not all wining, but we all did have fun!
So there. Now you know my dirty little secret that I have not told anyone since January. I am so frightened. But if I let it beat me down, I will die and I am not done here yet- not by a long shot!
Thank you- everyone who reads this. I thank you for reading this and giving me purpose to keep going. If I can impact just one person, if I can help just one life, then I am here for that reason.
Abundant blessings upon your heads!
Cindy